It may be one of the most difficult things you will ever face in your life but if an adult child won't move onto their own life and they live in their parents' home, there may be a time when many parents want those children to leave.
This can be true even if they are paying rent and share in the household responsibilities and household expenses.
A grown child, perhaps, ought to be living independently and as a last resort, you may need to ask them to leave.
Let's look at how you might do that?
A Step-By-Step Process To Make It Happen
Assess The Situation With Your Adult Children
If your adult children live in your home, then it's time to think about where you (and your partner if they are on the same page) currently stand.
- Are they crossing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable or unhappy? Do you need to establish limits on their behavior?
- If so, would you be happy if they were saving money and could pay rent as long as they stay within your limits until they can find affordable housing?
- Do you think your young adult wants to become more independent or are they expecting you to take care of everything while they live by their own rules?
- Are your adult kids now so intolerable that you just want them gone? Are they interfering with your safety or health?
Change Your Thinking: An Adult Child Is Ready To Fly
You are not required to pay child support for your entire life. It can help your young adults live out of home and to break free from the parental nest if we recognize they are now adults.
If you start to think about your child as an adult, it can make it easier to give some tough love and set ground rules that make them more able to seek their own independence.
Young Adults Will Push Your Buttons – Don't Let Them
One thing we've learned over the years is that kids will push your buttons when the conversation about boundaries, limits, or leaving home comes up.
They may mock you for having the same job for years, for spending money, or for ruining their free ride.
But if you know where your limits are and you can clearly demonstrate where they are? Your child can soon be motivated to move on with their adult life.
Define And Set Your Boundaries
Your next step is to sit down with the child and any other parties involved in the house and lay out your rules and boundaries.
This doesn't have to be done all at once if you're not comfortable, but you should have regular meetings if you want to make progress.
This can be anything from requiring them to buy their own food, doing their own laundry, or undertaking household chores.
We'd recommend that you create a contract between you and your child that if you intend to let them continue at home, sets out their responsibilities and expectations.
At this point, it's best to think of them as a tenant rather than your child. And if they don't like the contract? Well, then they can move out and solve everybody's problems right?
Withdraw The Bank Of Mom And Dad
If you are allowing them to resist becoming self-sufficient and are always providing a financial safety net, then it's time to stop.
You may want to ensure they can eat, but we'd recommend that unless they pay their fair share, you cut them down to packet noodles and not much else.
You certainly should be paying for leisure activities, alcohol, computers, cellphones, internet, clothes, etc.
The moment you shut down the ATM of mom and dad? That's the moment that common sense dictates that they might want to find a better living arrangement, elsewhere.
Always ask yourself, “do they really need what I am providing?” and if the answer is “no”, don't provide it.
Instruct Them To Leave And If They Don't? Get Help To Evict Them
Finally, if you really want them gone and none of the stuff above has helped to resolve the problem.
It's time to get the ball rolling and tell them to leave, now if they offer verbal abuse or physical abuse, then you may want to call for support.
If they won't leave home? Then it's time to serve them with an eviction notice and talk to your local court about your options for this.
The local police department can be involved to help with eviction if they won't leave.
Final Thoughts On Asking An Adult Offspring To Leave Your Home
If you want your children to have a good life? Then there's a time for them to make their own way in this world.
We won't pretend that asking someone to leave your home is always easy or enjoyable, but we will note that if you want your own home back there's always a way, even if you need professional help to get there.